At a recent news conference, Premier Christy Clark confirmed that 100% of the power from the proposed Site C Clean Energy project is required for a proposed liquid natural gas (LNG) plant to be located on the BC north coast in order to ship LNG to the lucrative Asian market.

When ask by reporters if Site C should still be labeled as ‘clean’, Christy said, “That Peace River water is some of the cleanest I have ever seen. I have stood on the banks of the Peace and watched as tank trucks filled up with that crystal clear water 24/7 for nearby shale gas fracking operations. I would let my family drink from it!”

One reporter ask about the irony that the Peace River county can now not only expect accelerated levels of shale gas extraction with its associated environmental issues, but also the huge environmental disaster called Site C to power it. Christie responded, “There is just too much money and jobs at stake to not proceed with this exciting new market.  Furthermore, we really have no choice in the matter. The vast amount of gas we are proposing to extract from the BC Peace will throw the earth off its axis unless we add the weight created by the reservoir behind Site C.  We are ensuring that the Site C Clean Energy project is going through a very thorough joint federal and provincial environmental approval process.”  When a reporter pointed out that it is an ‘environmental assessment’ process, not simply an approval process, Christie responded, “Don’t worry, Stephen Harper is working on changing that soon!”

At this point, a visibly excited premier made a major announcement.  “Rich Coleman has discovered that when super cooled to -160 C, electricity can be stored in liquid natural gas.  We are now signing contracts with Asian countries to export liquefied electricity stored on the same ships that will carry the LNG. We are very excited about this! This is bigger than Newt Gingrich’s moon proposal!  The only downside is that it requires a tremendous amount of electricity to cool electricity to that temperature. Therefore, we will now need to produce more electricity than ever previously dreamed of. We did the math on a napkin at lunch the other day and it is feasible. I would show you the napkin with our calculations, but Rich spilled gravy all over and used it to clean up. I swear, I love that big loaf, and he is ‘Mr. Fixit’, but he sure is clumsy!”

This created a buzz of excitement at the news conference. When pressed for more details on this new development, the premier responded with, “It looks like when you liquefy electricity, it requires 3 megawatts to liquefy 2 megawatts for transport.” When it was pointed out that this made no economic sense, she responded that BC Hydro will open up a few more deferral accounts to make it all work out, “We had a napkin with those numbers on it as well, but you know, Rich and that gravy!’